Relationship injuries and broken trust can happen to any couple, and if attempts to repair trigger self-protecting behaviors, things can get even worse. Sound familiar?
In my practice, I help partners step back from the gridlock patterns of self-protecting behaviors and find feeling words for their frustrations and hurts. As partners now focus more on the history of their own emotional life rather than that of the other, each can then begin taking personal responsibility for the impact of their behaviors.This is EFT at its best, as partners can now turn towards one another with open curiosity and a heart-felt wish to repair old wounds.
Inspiration for how I work with couples comes from the original work of Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Stan Tatkin, Dr. Sue Johnson, and especially, from the couples I have worked with who have taught me so much.
Relationship Focused
Therapy
for Couples
Harland Curtis, MS, LMHC
Because couples are also two separate individuals, occasional contention over differences is not only normal, it is necessary. It is through the skillful navigation of these differences that partners come to acquire a more clearly felt sense of who they are to one another. This helps build trust in a shared future and the resiliency to handle the unexpected.
When contention leads to patterns of self-protecting and avoidance, however, the relationship suffers.
In my work with couples, I first help partners identify their respective roles in these repetitive patterns. From here, we can then turn our attention to deeper and more vulnerable emotions where we will get a truer sense of what each partner is really feeling and wanting. This helps partners soften and listen to one another with more openness and curiosity. Differences then become a source of aliveness where personal truths and needs become known and shared and intimacy and companionship take on new depth and meaning.
